Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
