He is an equal opportunity slut.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Randomize
