if i died would you start the facebook group?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
