No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
