Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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