What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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