I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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