Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
