she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
