There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
