I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
