i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
