I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
