Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
