Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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