What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
