i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
