He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
They have beer where we have blood.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
