I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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