Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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