hotel room ftw
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
