Got a toothbrush?
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
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