I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
