Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
