Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
