On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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