Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
