ya dads aren't the best wingmen
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
