My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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