Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
