omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Randomize
