I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
