It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
