He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
