then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
