i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
