Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
