I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Randomize
