Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
this will be a night to untag.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
We had sex on a dog bed..
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
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