Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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