I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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