Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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