mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
