Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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