His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
