I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
