Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
He has the fingertips of a God
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
