...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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