ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Randomize
