y did u give ur computer a hand job?
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
