I need help removing her.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
