Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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