Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
