Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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