well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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