i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
