There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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