Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
