Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
