Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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